1. I just made a huge mistake; what on earth is wrong with me? How the hell could I be so stupid?
Reframe: I’ll learn so much from this mistake that I’m never going to make one like it again.
2. This bag is too heavy, I have to walk way too far
Reframe: Exercise is healthy, and people pay trainers to get them to lift heavy stuff or go on the treadmill, this is just exercise with the world as my trainer!
3. This train/bus/line is taking forever, what a pain!
Reframe: This is a great time to read an interesting article, listen to one of my favorite songs, text a friend that I haven’t spoken to in a while, think about the big decision I have to make soon, or recall what I learned in that book I read recently
Note: For your safety, don’t do these things if you are driving
4. I’m badly losing this argument; this is irritating. I need to work harder to prove I’m right.
Reframe: I’ll end up with more accurate beliefs and prove that I’m the sort of person that can change my mind if I acknowledge that the other person has made a good argument, and it may even make them think better of me (compared to desperately trying to prove their good argument wrong).
5. That person I thought I had a good conversation with never replied when I contacted them, I must have done something offputting.
Reframe: There are numerous reasons why someone wouldn’t reply (email went to spam, forgot to reply, personal crises, didn’t have a great first impression of me, not looking to make friends, went traveling, etc.), and this person doesn’t know what I’m really like, so it can’t be deeply personal, but I can certainly work more at making a great first impression to reduce the chance it happens in the future
6. I failed at this thing I tried really hard at; there must be something wrong with me.
Reframe: If I never fail, I’m not trying things that are hard enough to challenge me, and each time I try something hard, I will have some chance of success and some chance of failure, so failure is totally expected and normal, though I should try my best to diagnose why it happened so I can improve.
7. This is so incredibly unfair; I can’t stand it.
Reframe: This is something I really don’t like, and that might make a lot of people unhappy. I should definitely try to change it if I can, but there is no rule that says the world is fair; the universe owes me nothing. I’ve withstood plenty of bad things in the past, and I can and will withstand this, as I work to make the thing better.
8. That random bad thing I just thought of might just happen, that would be bad if it did; I’d better mull that possibility over in my mind.
Reframe: [if it’s minor], so what if it does happen? I’ll get through it easily or [if there’s something I can do about it] I’ll plan to do this thing now or as soon as possible to reduce the risk or (if there’s not much of anything I can do) I could spend my whole life worrying about things I can’t change that might happen, but that would just make me miserable and not help anything so I should focus on something else now that will distract me.
9. I can’t believe my friend flaked out on me/did that annoying thing, it’s so disrespectful.
Reframe: [if I think they are unlikely to do this sort of thing again] that is not characteristic of this person, and everyone messes up sometimes, I’ve certainly messed up before, this is probably just a fluke, and I should forgive it, or [f you think they are likely to do this sort of thing again] I should make sure they know I don’t like when they behave like this, but beyond that, I then need to decide whether I want to be friends with someone who is prone to behave this way.
10. I can’t believe I did that bad/shameful thing many years ago, I still feel guilty about it.
Reframe: [if I’m no longer the sort of person who would do that thing] I did that long in the past, and the person I am now would never do it again, so it’s time to forgive myself, or [if I still am the sort of person who might do that thing] I’m still prone to doing things like that, I should deeply consider why that is, and what the next, concrete step I can take is towards no longer being better.
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