Here’s my list common differences between people that are so large that those at the extreme opposite ends of the trait (say, the 5th percentile vs. 95th percentile) have a very hard time understanding and relating to each other. What would you add to the list, and what am I getting wrong?
Note: each of these examples is supposed to illustrate a somewhat extreme form of each trait for clarity purposes. Most people who have or lack each trait don’t have a form that is as extreme as is shown in these examples.
1. Extraversion vs. Introversion
“Are you coming out? It’s going to be a huge night! First we’re meeting up with Bill, Harry and Jennifer for drinks. Then stopping by the party to see the whole crew, and after, if we’re feeling it, we’ll hit up Sing Song karaoke. Then we’re hitting the clubs for the rest of the night!”
“Thanks. I appreciate the invite. I’m just going to stay in tonight. I’ve really been loving this book I’m reading. I’ve been looking forward to having the time to finish it.”
2. Conscientious vs. Nonchalant
“I can’t believe how much material this exam is going to cover! I still need to make an outline of all the material, and flashcards. Last time I color coded my outline which worked really well, though it took a long time to make. I might borrow outlines from a couple other people to see how they organize the material. I’m going to be up until 2am tonight at least.”
“Me too…but more like 4am. I have a date with World of Warcraft. You do realize this test only counts for 5% of our grade, right? I might just skip the exam actually.”
3. Social awareness vs. Social unawareness
“Let’s go talk to Sally over there, she clearly wants to get out of that conversation with Bill. Plus, I should introduce her to Ethan.”
“Wait, who’s Sally again…is she one of the new engineers? How do you know she doesn’t like Bill, did she tell you that? And is Ethan even here tonight? Why do you want to introduce them to each other anyway?”
4. Irrationality vs. Stability
“Sometimes life is so intense that I almost can’t take it. I’ll just burst out in tears in the middle of the day and have to hide in the bathroom at work. I wouldn’t have it any other way though, it’s what makes life so meaningful.”
“Crying at work you mean? I’ve done that too actually. I was at work when I found out my sister had died. It was really tough. Actually though, now that I think about it, I finished out my shift since I only had 5 minutes of it left anyway. And I don’t think I cried until later that night when I was at home alone.”
5. Aesthetic sensitivity vs. Aesthetic indifference
“Did you see the colors he painted his walls!? They made my skin crawl.”
“Wait, what color were they? And how is it even possible for colors to make your skin crawl?”
6. Sensitivity vs. Insensitivity
“Please, please don’t use glue traps. Once the mouse is stuck it will slowly starve to death. What if I help you trap it and then we can find a good place to release it outside?”
“Are you kidding me? We’re talking about a mouse! If the stupid thing weren’t so damn fast I’d stamp right on its head with my boots, that would take so much less time.”
7. Anxiety vs. Calmness
“I’ve been worried all day because I’ve been waiting for the doctor to call me with my test results. I mean, I know I probably will test negative, but what if I don’t? I wouldn’t be able to stay in school anymore, and I’m not sure I could afford the medical bills. Even if there is a 1% that I test positive, the consequences would just be so serious that it’s still a big deal. And my chances might even be worse than 1%! I really don’t need this right now, I was already really worried about the presentation I have to give to the CEO at the end of the month. What is life going to throw at me next?”
“Honestly, you just need to relax. What’s the point of worrying about all this? Worrying doesn’t change anything and you’re just stressing yourself out. Like you said, you’re really unlikely to test positive. Everything is going to be totally fine in the end.”
8. Open Mind vs. Closed Mind
“That was the coolest lecture ever, I’m so inspired right now. I can only begin to imagine what it’s like to be Prism, as a visually impaired Chinese Italian non gender binary person who spent fifteen years fighting for the medical establishment to finally recognize the alternative medical treatments that cured his own cancer! Prism has so many interesting ideas about relationships and child rearing too. I’m also really excited now to buy a few books on the diversity of social practices among First Nations people.”
“Seriously, you enjoyed that? That was literally the weirded thing I’ve ever experienced. I wanted to puke when he made us all put our arms around each other in a circle and try to open our ‘inner eye’. What does that even mean? Not to mention that half the people there were out of it on drugs of some kind. And why on earth was that woman practically naked?”
9. Authoritarianism vs. Libertarianism
“If your father wants you to move in with him and your mom, then that’s your duty as their child. Maybe your pastor can give you advice for how to make it a smooth transition.”
“It was my parents choice to have me. Just because they made that choice doesn’t mean they have control over my life. Are you serious that if you were me you would talk to a pastor for advice? Sure, I’m spiritual. But I don’t belong to a church or follow one particular set of teachings, I prefer to figure out myself what religion and spirituality mean.”
10. Optimism vs. Pessimism
“I can’t wait until vacation! We’re going to have such an incredible time together. And it’s going to be such a well deserved break after all this hard work. Plus, they’re going to announce bonuses right before we leave. Business has been great, I bet they’ll be the biggest bonuses yet. When we’re lying on the beach we can discuss the fun things we’re going to buy with all that money!”
“Vacation will be pretty fun I guess. But I’ve been thinking…the beaches get so crowded during the vacation season, maybe it would make more sense to just stay home this year. It’s pretty pointless just lying on the beach all day anyway. I know you’re excited about bonuses, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up. Business looked good this year, but our industry is about to get squeezed with all the new technology coming to market. I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t even give us bonuses. After all, we work at a company that tries to convince consumers to buy meaningless shit they don’t need, so why would the company care about making its employees happy?”
11. Hypersexuality vs. Asexuality
“This club is amazing…it has the hottest people I’ve ever seen! I would literally sleep with anyone here. It’s hard to even focus on this conversation!”
“Oh…hmm, I guess you’re right, there are a lot of good looking people here. All the skin tight clothing and showing off of skin seems a bit gratuitous though, don’t you think?”
12. Analytical vs. Intuitive
“I’ve been thinking about social interaction a lot lately, and currently my best framework for how to start a conversation with a stranger is to make a comment about something in the surrounding context that you know the other person is already aware of. For instance, about the weather, but only if the weather is well above or below average for that season. Then, once the other person responds to your comment, you should ask them a question related to their response to get them talking further. If the person gives a really short response to your question then it probably means…”
“Can I stop you right there? Honestly, if you’re analyzing how to have social interaction you’re already doing it wrong. Just get a feel for what the other person is like. Then just say whatever feels most natural to say. Don’t overthink everything!”
13. Self-esteem vs. Self depreciation
“There are very few incredible people in the world. What are the chances that two truly unique and awesome people would find each other? I think that as a team we could achieve just about anything.”
“You keep calling me special, but honestly, I’m embarrassed to admit it, but there’s nothing special about me. Nearly everything I’ve achieved was just a result of good luck, or having unfair opportunities that other people don’t get, and I’m probably one of the least talented people to achieve what I’ve achieved. Eventually people will figure that out about me and it will all come crashing down. And when I get good opportunities I usually just mess them up or undermine myself. If there’s anything special about me, it’s that there’s something wrong with me. I screw things up. Fundamentally, not only am I ordinary, but I’m not even an especially good person, and I don’t deserve much of anything.”
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