Written: September 17, 2020 | Released: August 20, 2021
The “Responsibility Mindset” is one of the most powerful perspectives I know of.
It’s the difference between:
1. “The ball wasn’t on my side of the court, so I didn’t go for it,” and
2. “Clearly, nobody else was going to be able to hit the ball in time, so I ran for it.”
1. “This party is boring,” and
2. “Who wants to dance with me? Let’s get this party started!”
1. “I can’t do my job because nobody is doing this thing I need,” and
2. “I haven’t been able to do my job because nobody is doing this thing I need – I’ll let my manager know why I am blocked.” (H/T Emily Dempsey)
1. “I am lonely, this sucks,” and
2. “I am lonely, this sucks, so I’m going to make an effort to meet more people, and I’m going to set up regularly repeating calls with my friends.”
1. “I was wronged, and I didn’t deserve it,” and
2. “I was wronged, and I didn’t deserve it, and I’m going to sever my ties with this harmful person if warranted, or make clear what I need from them going forward to feel good about maintaining a relationship.”
1. “This policy makes no sense; what a pain it is for everyone to deal with,” and
2. “This policy makes no sense; what a pain it is for everyone to deal with. I’m going to rally up a group to try to get it changed.”
There are, without a doubt, some people that take too much responsibility. Such people might blame themselves for problems that they didn’t cause or get cajoled into taking care of other people’s responsibilities (especially if they have trouble setting strong boundaries or have the unfortunate luck to interface with highly manipulative people).
What’s more, we certainly can’t take responsibility for everything: it would be overwhelming and unproductive. So we must prioritize.
But many of us (most of us?) could benefit from strategically adopting the Responsibility Mindset.
At its core, the Responsibility Mindset is about being the “master of your fate: the captain of your soul.”
It’s about recognizing that, if you have a goal, choosing to take responsibility (even though you don’t have to) will usually lead to better outcomes – even if you CAN rightly say “this isn’t my responsibility” or “this isn’t fair,” and even though the world WILL throw all kinds of difficulties at you, and even though there IS a tremendous amount of luck influencing our lives (for better and worse). You have to take the reins of the sleigh if you want to influence your destination (even though your hands hurt from the cold, and the reindeer have all gone insane).
…It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
– Invictus by William Ernest Henley
When Henley was a teenager, his leg required amputation due to complications from tuberculosis. In the early 1870s, after seeking treatment for problems with his other leg, he was told that it would also require amputation. He instead chose to go to Edinburgh to enlist the services of the distinguished English surgeon Joseph Lister, who was able to save Henley’s remaining leg after multiple surgical interventions on the foot. Henley spent three years in hospital (1873–75) recovering, during which time he was moved to write the verses that became the poem “Invictus.” (Source: Wikipedia)
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