When trying new things, what we like (or benefit from) most is usually familiar to us, yet somehow also distinct.
1. Music: we prefer songs that are similar to others we like but that feel novel. If a song is too similar to what we know, then it’s derivative or boring (like listening to the same music on loop), but if it’s too novel, it is usually unappealing or dissonant. Music from other cultures can be hard for us to appreciate until we’ve listened to enough of it.
2. Learning: we learn best when an idea connects to what we already understand while also adding something on top. If it’s too far removed from what we already understand, it’s confusing, or we don’t believe it. Learning often works best when bridges are built between a person’s old understanding and some new understanding.
3. Products: we like user interfaces to be familiar, but also like them to let us do something new (or do something we value in a new, better way). An unfamiliar interface feels like a struggle to learn and can leave us frustrated. One of the great strengths of the iPhone, when it was introduced, was that the interface somehow felt familiar even though we had never used something like it before.
4. Dating: most people want those they date to be familiar in most ways (e.g., similar culture, religion, political beliefs, life goals, attitudes) yet highly distinct with respect to a few key variables. The differences being sought differ for each person, but some fairly common ones sometimes sought include: a masculine person contrasting with feminine one, a submissive person contrasting with a dominant one, a breadwinner contrasting with a homemaker, a side-kick contrasting with a leader, a joker contrasting with someone who laughs often, a strong person contrasting with someone in need of protection, or someone successful at rule-breaking contrasting with someone successful at being rule-abiding.
5. Stories: we enjoy stories that follow the standard tropes (e.g., the Hero’s Journey or the “love found ā love lost ā love recovered” romantic comedy), yet we want them to feel novel in some way and not too derivative. Truly novel movies are rarely as popular as ones that are executed on a classic formula but strategically deviate from it in enough key ways to feel fresh. For instance, I think The Matrix did a good job of telling a very standard “hero’s journey” story but with a number of novel-feeling elements thrown in (an intriguing setting, “bullet time” filming, etc.).
So if you’re making something, and you want people to really enjoy it, you may want to consider how you can make it Familiar Yet Different.
This piece was first written on September 18, 2020, and first appeared on this site on June 10, 2022.
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