Eight ways you can validate someone’s emotions in a healthy way (and four strategies to avoid)

October 1, 2023

A lot of times, when people are upset, they want their friends and loved ones to "validate their feelings." I think there is a lot of confusion about what it really means to "validate feelings," and I also believe there are both healthy and unhealthy forms of doing this validation. Healthy vs. Unhealthy Emotional Validation I would say that the main difference between the healthy validation of emotions and the unhealthy version is that the healthy version is based on genuine c...

The ten most important components of self-compassion

October 20, 2021

Self-compassion is an essential skill - it helps us overcome personal hardship, recognize what we want, and learn how to better support others who are struggling. Inspired by Dr. Kristen Neff’s work on this subject, we’ve put together a list of ten components that we think make up a truly self-compassionate mindset. Regardless of whether or not you try to practice self-compassion in your daily life, this list may be valuable next time you’re finding it difficult to be kind towards you...

On How to Process Your Emotions

December 20, 2020

We’ve all heard that you should take time to “process your emotions” and not “repress them.” But after a bad event occurs, what exactly does it MEAN to process your emotions? I think that, ideally, it involves a mix of these components: (1) Noticing: paying close attention to your negative thoughts instead of pushing them away or trying to ignore the bad feelings. What are the EXACT words running through your mind? How does it feel right now to be you? What do your body and mind feel li...

How resetting your psychological baseline can make your life better

October 6, 2020

This is a cross-post from ClearerThinking.org from October 6, 2020. Thanks go to Hunter Muir for editing. The piece was updated on December 14, 2022, and was cross-posted on this website on February 3, 2024. Many of us might be feeling bad about life at the moment. One approach that may improve your mood is shifting your psychological "baseline" of what you view as normal to reflect the reality you're currently living in. This blog examines how to accept the state of things as they curre...

Excessive Acquiescence

July 17, 2017

Unfortunately, we humans get used to problems quickly. Too often, when we get used to problems, we stop reflecting on them. When we stop reflecting on them, we stop trying to fix them. Two examples: At first, if one of the burners on your stove stops working (as I personally experienced), you notice it and are annoyed by it. Soon, you find that you've stopped trying to use that burner. You've been trained by annoyance to use a different one instead. Or, to put it another way, you've su...