Some Signs of Harmful or Untrustworthy Relationships

November 3, 2023

Image generated by Clearer Thinking team using Adobe Express

Coauthored with the Clearer Thinking team and cross-posted from the Clearer Thinking blog. We recently conducted qualitative research by crowd-sourcing over 100 open-ended responses to the question: "What signs do you look for that help you identify people who are likely to be untrustworthy or who are likely to hurt you if they become your close friend or partner?" We thought the answers contained some insights that may help you to identify people with whom it would be risky ...

Eight ways you can validate someone’s emotions in a healthy way (and four strategies to avoid)

October 1, 2023

A lot of times, when people are upset, they want their friends and loved ones to "validate their feelings." I think there is a lot of confusion about what it really means to "validate feelings," and I also believe there are both healthy and unhealthy forms of doing this validation. Healthy vs. Unhealthy Emotional Validation I would say that the main difference between the healthy validation of emotions and the unhealthy version is that the healthy version is based on genuine c...

How to avoid feeding anti-science sentiments

August 13, 2023

A major mistake scientists sometimes make in public communication: they state things science isn't sure about as confidently as things it is sure about. This confuses the public and undermines trust in science and scientists. Some interesting examples: 1) As COVID-19 spread early in the pandemic, epidemiologists confidently stated many true things about it that were scientifically measured (e.g., rate of spread). Some of them were also equally confidently stating things that were just spec...

My rules for making great spreadsheets (in Google Sheets or Excel)

May 5, 2023

1) Round numbers: use "decrease decimal point" or "format" to automatically round numbers to the greatest number of decimal points that are truly useful (so 0.15, not 0.15121215 and 32%, not 32.42%). 2) Set units: use the "format" feature to make percentages into actual percentages (ending in %), to make dollar figures into actual dollar figures (starting with $), and so on. This makes it easier to interpret figures at a glance. 3) Use formulas: anything that can be calcul...

Eight methods to make conversations with acquaintances more interesting

December 3, 2022

If you're like me and really dislike small talk, you may find these ideas useful. (1) If you end up talking about their work, ask what they (i) most like about it and (ii) find most challenging about it. (2) If they end up asking about your work, try to explain what you do in a way you've never experimented with before. Example: if you're a programmer, maybe you'll say your job is to convert ambiguous human goals to instructions that are so precise a computer can follow them. ...

Understanding Relationship Conflicts: Clashing Trauma

April 17, 2022

Artwork by Alexander Milov | Photograph by Adam Hornyak on Unsplash

Here is a common situation that you might have noticed: close friends (or romantic partners) suddenly have their relationship explode – both people feel like the other one hurt them and that they themselves did nothing wrong. These heart-breaking and all-too-common situations can arise from a pattern we call "Clashing Trauma." It has been estimated that over 70% of adults in the world have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. Consequently, the majority of fr...

Seven reasons why you could be defining a concept ineffectively

March 2, 2022

Note (December 16, 2022): This piece is cross-posted from the Clearer Thinking blog, where it appeared on March 2, 2021. Can a chosen definition be "wrong"? No. If you choose a definition, then you can define a sound or series of characters to mean whatever you want them to mean. For instance, if you wanted, you could declare that whenever you say "phloop," you mean one of those little paper umbrellas that are sometimes found in Piña coladas. That would be weird, but it wouldn't be ...

Seek the Root: how to handle requests more effectively

November 28, 2020

Written: November 28, 2020 | Released: September 3, 2021 When we're given a request, there is generally a deeper intention underneath it. If we get curious for a moment and think/inquire about why the request is being made, we can often provide more value. Example 1: Relationship Romantic partner: I'd prefer it if you respond to my text messages faster. Normal answer: sure, I'll try to do that from now on. Seeking the root: sure, I'll try to do that from no...

11 Types of Thinkers and Intellectuals (a little framework)

August 23, 2020

1. Ideators: generate novel ideas Ex: Einstein Strengths: creativity, insight 2: Investigators: vigorously investigate a topic in order to understand it Ex: Curie Strengths: truth-seeking, curiosity, systematicness, persistence 3. Provers: demonstrate that the ideas of others are sound, explore their limits, strengthen or work out the implications of existing theories Ex: Singer Strengths: consistency, logic, rigor, bullet-biting 4. Appliers: explo...

Eschew Obscure Words

August 18, 2011

Intelligent people often like to use intelligent sounding words. Words like "nonplused", "loquacious" and "limerance" spice up writing and conversation, add beauty to language, and can seem to give the speaker an aura of sophistication. Even those who don't consciously cultivate having a large vocabulary may start to use such words automatically, having read them sufficiently many times in books or articles. Unfortunately, obscure words have a tendency to interfere with communication. Sometim...