Understanding Relationship Conflicts: Clashing Trauma

April 17, 2022

Artwork by Alexander Milov | Photograph by Adam Hornyak on Unsplash

Here is a common situation that you might have noticed: close friends (or romantic partners) suddenly have their relationship explode – both people feel like the other one hurt them and that they themselves did nothing wrong. These heart-breaking and all-too-common situations can arise from a pattern we call "Clashing Trauma." It has been estimated that over 70% of adults in the world have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. Consequently, the majority of fr...

Addressing some common misconceptions about rape and sexual assault

January 9, 2022

I sometimes meet people who think rape and sexual assault are very rare. Or who believe that if someone is assaulted and doesn't report it, then that casts doubt on their story or means they're (somehow) blameworthy. I also have heard people claim that if a victim stays in touch with (or is friendly to) the perpetrator afterward, it means the event must have been consensual (or else fabricated). I think these perspectives are based on misconceptions. To help clear them up, I'd like to share ...

On How to Process Your Emotions

December 20, 2020

We’ve all heard that you should take time to “process your emotions” and not “repress them.” But after a bad event occurs, what exactly does it MEAN to process your emotions? I think that, ideally, it involves a mix of these components: (1) Noticing: paying close attention to your negative thoughts instead of pushing them away or trying to ignore the bad feelings. What are the EXACT words running through your mind? How does it feel right now to be you? What do your body and mind feel li...